no, he came in my armpit
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
