hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
