I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize