I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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