Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
