Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
