There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
