Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize