Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
