as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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