My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
