sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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