the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
