Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Randomize
