I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
