he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
