Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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