just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize