Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
