I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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