That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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