why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
