this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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