brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sorry my hands just texted you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize