Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
