You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
