Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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