out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
