she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Are we still banned from the library?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
