one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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