Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize