I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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