Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
