sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
