why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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