I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
