you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
