I should be sponsored by Trojan
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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