Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
