I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
