Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
