just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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