I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
