Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
