You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
