when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
