I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
this is an emotional support booty call
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
