somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
