this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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