that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
