guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
