Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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