I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
