So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So much rum. So many feels.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
