my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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