my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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