He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
