that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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