The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize