My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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