So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
