Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
