I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
