Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize