Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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