If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
