Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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