my mouth tastes like poor choices
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
