when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
