I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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