I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
