dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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