Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
