we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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