she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
