I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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