Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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