did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
