when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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