he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
