I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He passed out mid-signature
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
