its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
