when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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