dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I've blown a few things in my day
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
