remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
