Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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