I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You need a sexual gate keeper
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
