home. puking in laundry basket.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
