:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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