Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Vodka?
Forever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
