Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize