I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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