I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
