We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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