Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize