The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she told me i tasted like america
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dick very happy bro
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
