i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is Oprah even human
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize