I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
