also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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