I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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