but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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