She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
