I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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