somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
