3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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