Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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