Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
