i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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