he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
