was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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