I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
