i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize