the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
